Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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