It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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