I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
