Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
