I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
