just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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