I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Randomize
