Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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