Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
God, I missed his penis.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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