I think my fart just growled at me.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
