i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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