I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize