Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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