Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
What drink are we having for lunch?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
