that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
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how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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