I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
