Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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