check it out our google latitudes are spooning
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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