Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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