I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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