just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
