that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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