I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
