Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
