On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
