Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
