Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
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How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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