His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
