STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
