**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize