so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
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I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
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it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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