The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
