Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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