I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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