Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
