they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
