I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
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Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
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Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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