So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
