He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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