I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
