If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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