i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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