I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
