why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
