Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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