i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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