Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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