It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
