Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
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and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
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I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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