You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
