I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
