Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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