Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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