you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
