I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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