the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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