dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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