How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
